Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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