in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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