I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
