AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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