just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
