They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heโs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
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