I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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