I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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