She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
