The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
