forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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