I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
