We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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