Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
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PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
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I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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