Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize