his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
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He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
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The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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