She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
