is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
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He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
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I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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