party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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