Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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