Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
