He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize