just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
