which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
