Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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