I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
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Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
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Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
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