I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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