I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Operation Purity has been aborted
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
