Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
They took my balls.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
