I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
