Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
