I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
