I skipped work to stalk him.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
