There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
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i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
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I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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