Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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