my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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