The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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