i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Randomize
