How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
