I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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