Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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