i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
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I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
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I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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