can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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