bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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