I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize