Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
