Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I think I just shit out all my problems.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
