girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
It was confusing and full of hummus
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
