okay pat passed out under dana's car
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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