am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
third nipple confirmed
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
