I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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