I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
