i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
