I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
