if only i could text you this smell
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
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he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
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There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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