My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
