Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
