i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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