We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
